


Wasteland, baby!

by americamarauders



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Ben Hargreeves Deserves Better, Ben Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Ben Hargreeves' Tentacles | Bentacles, F/M, Ghost Ben Hargreeves, Protective Ben Hargreeves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:14:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26008594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/americamarauders/pseuds/americamarauders
Summary: that girl on the bus stop seemed so lonely and Ben couldn’t help himself really. So, he snuck out and became her friend.
Relationships: Ben Hargreeves & Diego Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves & Diego Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves & Everyone, Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves/Original Female Character(s), Ben Hargreeves/Reader
Comments: 16
Kudos: 94





	1. Part 1.

**Author's Note:**

> sooooo this happened. I really like this actually.   
> this is a mini series and stuff so enjoy!

He was having a hard time sleeping. It usually happened after a mission. Ben was haunted by the monsters he unleashed, and the faces of those he attacked. He hardly could sleep after using his powers. He silently thanked that Father had stopped monitoring their sleep after Five disappeared.

He sat on his bed, his back resting against the wall, his feet dangling. He looked out the window, the sun was barely up and the streets were quiet. Usually, he was always the first one to wake up out of his siblings—the morning light peaked right on his face. He would wait until the dreaded knock on his door, a sign that they were to face the horror they called Father.

Usually, Ben would sit watching the streets, quietly wondering and admiring the normalcy of it. There wasn’t anything to watch, a couple of cars passing, the tiny garden one of the residents of the building in front tended to, a bus stop that half disappeared on the corner of the sidewalk.

However, today, something got hold of his attention. A girl, standing quietly near the bus stop, just enough so Ben could see her clearly. She had a clear umbrella dangling off her backpack. She wore jeans and a white t-shirt with a print he couldn’t quite discern. She looked about his age, but it wasn’t that what intrigued him,

She looked so lonely. She had a lost look in her eyes. She kept glancing up and down the streets, her face morphing into something sadder each time she saw no one was coming.

His heart beat faster and faster. How come? She looked so kind and sweet. How could someone leave her alone?

He shuffled on his bed, his face this close to the glass window, clinging to her image. Ben watched her with curiosity. She was a new figure in his life, his so controlled and planned life.

He didn’t know how long he stayed there looking at her, but he heard the dreadful knock on the door. It must have been long.

“I’m coming,” he answered to it.

When he looked back to where the girl was standing, she was gone.

Ben woke up earlier the next days. Earlier than he usually did. He spent the entire week looking at her. She stayed at the same place for a while before she walked off to the end of the street, he guessed to the school at the end of it. She always looked lonely, she always was looking for something or someone to accompany her.

He changed out of his pajamas quickly. He was tying his tie when he turned to the window, one knee on the bed, seeing if she was outside. He finished his tie and pulled the sweater on top of it, opting against using his blazer.

Ben glanced one last time out the window. The sky rumbled. He sighed, as he looked up to the sky, little droplets of water fell. He put his shoes on and quietly left his room. He avoided all the spots in the corridor where the wood would creak under his feet. He hoped Pogo was nowhere near the entrance.

He descended the stairs quietly, his heart beating rapidly and strongly. Ben had never done something so sneakily and so exciting in his life. Sure, he had once messed with Allison’s teddy bear and a string of other practical harmless pranks, but this felt different and more criminal than those childish plays.

As he stood in front of the door, his hand gripping an umbrella tightly. His other hand hovered over the handle hesitating. He closed his eyes and, in a rush, he opened the door and stepped outside. He opened his eyes as he felt drops of water hit his shoulders and hair. He smiled and closed the door.

With the umbrella opened, he crossed the streets in long strides, laughing at the thrill of defying orders. He could see her, standing under her clear umbrella looking down at her phone—a luxury he wished he could have. Just as always, she looked a tiny bit sad.

He slowed down his pace, still smiling. He quietly approached her. She sensed him coming her way and looked up right at him. Ben wasn’t counting on how beautiful she looked up close, he had seen her only from afar. He faltered for a split second shocked, but quickly recomposed. He stood next to her, his smile still very much present.

“Hi,” she said quietly.

“Hey,” he breathed out. “I’m sorry,” he laughed nervously, “it must be weird. I mean, you’ve never seen me. I—” he cleared his throat, “I noticed you looked quite lonely and I thought I’d stay with you.”

She smiled. “Okay,” she said quietly. “It’s not weird. I saw you looking last week.”

“Oh,” Ben hadn’t seen her looking. “I didn’t know.”

“It’s okay,” she responded. “Someone might have thought it was creepy, but,” she laughed and shook her head, “I somehow knew you didn’t mean any harm.”

“That’s—” he swallowed nervously, “good.”

“I’m Y/N,” she said and his heart stopped for a second at how beautiful and fitting it was.

He smiled at her. “I’m Ben.”

Lightning stroke and she yelped slightly. Both giggled at her scare. Both knew it was the start of something magical.

It became a routine. A routine he maintained for the better part of 2 months.

Ben would wake up earlier—they started to meet earlier and earlier, craving for more time together as they became closer—jump out of bed, and fly out the door (he started climbing out the window when he had a near encounter with Pogo one morning). He would stay with her until she had to leave for school. With that he would climb to his room and put on his blazer. Sure, he would come to breakfast a few minutes later, but it was all worth it. She was worth every second of the few minutes they spent together.

He discovered a lot of things about her. She lived a couple of blocks away and she went to school just down the street. She was a year younger than him and she wanted to be a scientist after school. She read a lot, mostly contemporary books, but there were some classics that she absolutely loved like _Peter Pan_ and _To Kill a Mockingbird_.

Some would argue she was absolutely, positively ordinary. To Ben, that was what made her extraordinary. He was surrounded by things he couldn’t really explain, that most couldn’t even begin to wrap their heads around it. His whole existence was one of mystery and, quite frankly, horror.

Y/N was the opposite. She was normal. No powers, no buying kids to experiment on them. She had both parents, normal balanced adults who loved her very much. She was an only child, no crazy siblings for her. She went to school and learned normal things, she didn’t learn a thousand different languages and advanced calculus or whatever. She said she didn’t have many friends, but he was her friend. He believed he was her friend because she was his only friend.

It was a sunny day, hot, nearing the end of the school year to her. Ben was sweating in his button up, and she adorned a sundress. Some would say it was behaved, playing it safe, she didn’t want to draw attention to herself. To Ben, it was perfect. She glowed. Her hair was down and she clutched her backpack tightly, the clear umbrella always hanging off of it.

They chatted lightly. As they talked, Ben lost track of time. She was supposed to be heading to school and he was supposed to be on his way down the stairs as the breakfast hour neared. His eyes drifted to the academy, his brother Klaus looking out his window with a smirk framing his face.

“Shit!” Ben said, frantically looking down a watch he kept in his pocket.

“What?” Y/N responded confused. “Is everything okay?”

“We lost track of time,” Ben said looking up the window one more time, Klaus signaling to his wrist as if Ben was running out of time. Y/N’s eyes trailed to where Ben was looking. She raised her eyebrows at the sight of a boy at Ben’s window, absolutely amused at the situation. “We need to go.”

“Yeah,” she breathed out, her eyes peeling off the window and settling on Ben. She smiled. “See you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Ben shook his head, already halfway across the street in a rush. “See you!”

_Shit, shit, shit, shit_ , he muttered all the way up to his window in the second floor. As he got up there, Klaus helped him up the ledge, helping bring his brother into the room. He didn’t wipe the smirk off his face, as Ben frantically composed himself in the mirror, straightening his tie and fixing his hair. He picked up the blazer on top of his bed and put it on. 

“You’re lucky it was me who caught you,” Klaus said amused.

“Shut up, Klaus,” Ben muttered.

“Wow, Benny boy, you wound me,” he said dramatically. “I guess you won’t mind then if I tell dear old dad that Number Six is sneaking out of the academy to flirt with girls,” he completed with annoying kissing noises.

“Don’t tell Dad,” he gritted angrily. His eyes softened and he quietly begged, “Please, Klaus. She—,” he swallowed, “she has nothing to do with this. Don’t involve her.”

Klaus wasn’t one to show softness: he hid it under a much dramatic persona, alcohol and drugs—not necessarily in that order. Ben was lucky his brother was sober that morning. “I won’t,” Klaus said. “But you have to more careful.”

With that, Klaus was out the door. Ben exhaled deeply and muttered a small yeah before he was off to slay that morning’s demon.

Ben laid awake that night.

He had spent the entire day on edge, hoping Klaus wouldn’t spill his biggest secret to everyone, especially their Father. Thankfully, he wasn’t that much of an asshole, and even when Klaus was higher than high that afternoon, he managed to keep his mouth shut—which was greatly appreciated by Ben.

He started to reflect on every single conversation he and Y/N shared, his heart racing at the memories. It started with a simple glint in her eyes, and it escalated to Ben feeling like he couldn’t breathe right if he didn’t see her regularly.

He hadn’t felt that way before, but he wasn’t exactly daft to the symptoms he was feeling. He had read enough novels to conclude he was either having panic attacks—which weren’t all too weird for him or his siblings to have—or he was in love. He quickly dismissed the first option. It wasn’t prompted, not like it usually is, and he couldn’t even imagine Y/N being a source of panic for him. Not when she felt like the only good thing in his life.

The logical conclusion was love. But a part of Ben was reluctant to admit that. It wasn’t planned: he hadn’t planned on loving her, he just wanted a friend. It was too soon for it. They’d had only two months of friendship, something he held so close to his heart he didn’t tell anyone he had a friend outside the Academy. It was an accident—a slip, really—that Klaus had found out.

That also prompted the elephant in the room: she didn’t really know who Ben was. She knew who he was, of course, he was Ben. He hadn’t lied and maintained his personality a secret in a weird catfishing way, no. She just didn’t know who he was. She didn’t know his surname, she didn’t know why he only wore white button ups, shorts and ties, she didn’t know why he had an umbrella tattoo at only 16 years old, she didn’t know he housed monsters inside of him.

The worst part is: Ben chose to omit that part of him. He didn’t want her to befriend him for his powers or for who his siblings were, he wanted her to like him for him, just plain old Ben. He wanted to prove to himself he was more than a number—sadly, quite literally—that his whole world was a mere detail in the grand scheme of things, that he mattered outside of being a tool for world salvation.

And she had helped him prove that. He knew that, now. He knew by the way her face would light up when she saw him cross the street, coming at her encounter. He saw by the way she would laugh at his sarcastic remarks on some random anecdote she was telling him about school. He saw at the way she would smile and listen attentively to what he was saying, even if it was the silliest thing to ever leave his lips. He knew he mattered to her. More than he could imagine, maybe. And, somehow, that was the world to him.

Smiling, he shifted in his bed, laying on his side. He looked at his night stand, the book she lent him staring back at him. She said that when she read, it had reminded her of him. He could hear her saying that—the memory too fresh from the previous day—it sent butterflies to his stomach and his thought became all fuzzy.

He hadn’t opened it yet. She said he was to open it. He felt bad for a second, he hadn’t had the time to do what she asked him to, but that thought quickly subsided with the memory of the exhaustion he felt after the training he had endured. If she knew, she would understand, right?

Ben picked the book up sitting upright in his bed. The clock flashed a 9:37 pm in a sickly green. If he could read at least the first chapter of it, he would finish it in minutes, and it wouldn’t leave him too exhausted for tomorrow’s training and he could comment his thoughts with her.

His fingers trailed lightly over the creases of the title. _My Sweet Orange Tree_ , it read. He opened it and an envelope fell. He put the book aside and opened the envelope. He first took out a paper, folded in itself a couple of times. He then noticed there was another item inside of the envelope but opted to read the letter first. Ben turned the lamp beside his bed on and read.

_Dear Ben,_

_I know you often choose to read intellectual books, your brain too smart to waste time on fickle fantasies. But I ask for you to waste time on this one. You’ll find that there’s more than meets the eye. Just like you, I suppose._

_There’s a moral to this story you’re about to read, one I hope we get to discuss more than the few spare minutes we have before I go to school and you have to do whatever mysterious things you refuse to tell me. I hope you find it fitting, just like I found it fitting for you and me._

_I know it seems early and even cowardly to say this through letter and not to your face, but Ben, my god, you mean so much to me, more than my brain can process. My heart surely can. I hope you know this._

_It sounds silly and old fashioned, but I put a photo of me in the envelope. So, you’d remember me if something were to happen, or just remember me in general. I didn’t mean to sound so pessimistic. Behind the photo there’s my telephone number: home and cellphone. If you ever manage to, perhaps we can call each other?_

_After that sequence of random topics, I bid you farewell, my Ben. I hope to see you tomorrow._

_Love,_

_Y/N._

He threw the letter aside, reaching for the envelope he had abandoned a few moments ago. He took the small picture out of it. Y/N was smiling at the camera, wearing that amazing sundress he loved, looking carefree. He smiled at the picture, his heart threatening to jump out of his chest. He flipped the picture, the numbers in black ink and her penmanship.

He put the letter and the picture on his night stand, making a mental note to get a frame for her photo. Ben sighed happily and opened the book. Chapter one.


	2. part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> maybe, just maybe, that girl on the bus stop was more than his friend.

Klaus started to pester Ben about Y/N.

He wanted to know everything. And Ben didn’t want to share. Y/N was just his, and he had enough of sharing everything with his siblings. He dodged somewhat successfully his advances.

That didn’t mean Klaus stopped asking.

At some point, Ben would relent to his advances, he would say something. Not because his brother had annoyed him enough, but the feeling growing in his chest was getting too unbearable to carry by himself. 

Every time he woke up, she was there smiling at him. Ben would waste a few seconds just staring at the photo, memorizing every single detail about it. Then he would proceed with his routine, climbing down the window, a watch programmed to alarm him 5 minutes before breakfast time. He had followed Klaus’ advice after all, and unfortunately that meant cutting their conversation 5 minutes short. It made his heart bleed a little but if he wanted to stay out of trouble, he had to do it.

That day he was clutching the book she had lent him. He had treasured it as much as he could, Ben took his time reading it, hoping time would stretch as held a token of how much Y/N cared about him. She shared a book with him. She had opened a window to her thoughts and to her heart. Those words meant something to her, so much she wanted to share it with him. That was something Ben didn’t take lightly.

She was already there, as always. She smiled brightly at him, those smiles that reached the eyes and that made Ben’s heart beat stronger in his chest. He smiled back, crossing the street quickly. His breath got caught up on his chest at the sight of her in the morning light. It never ceased to amaze him. He hoped it never would.

“You finished the book!” she said enthusiastically to Ben. He looked down at the book he was holding, the title staring back at him.

“Yeah, I did. I’m sorry it took so long,” he went to give the book to her and she stopped him.

“No, no,” she shook her head, “it’s yours.”

“I can’t accept this,” Ben said politely. “I can tell it means a lot to you.”

“You mean a lot to me, too. And I would like for you to have this copy,” she responded. “Besides, I have another one at home. It’s my mom’s but I don’t think she will mind if I steal it.”

Ben almost felt the need to cry at her kindness and love. “Thank you,” he told her. It felt like he had a permanent window to her heart now. It wouldn’t be taken away from him and he would make sure no one would ever take it from him.

“You’re welcome, Ben,” she smiled once again. Her eyes trailed to the window of his bedroom, a boy staring at them.

Her smile faltered and Ben noticed, and tinge of panic rising in him. His eyes followed her line of sight, falling on his bedroom window. He saw Klaus, his face serious, and Ben reached for his watch in his pocket. They were nowhere near the breakfast hour. He looked over at Y/N, her face serious and scared at the sight of his brother on Ben’s window.

“I think you need to go,” she said sadly.

“I’m sorry,” he said quickly. “I don’t want—”

“I’m sure whatever your family needs it’s more important right now,” she tried to smile, but Ben saw she was covering her pain.

“It will never be more important than you,” Ben muttered.

She smiled genuinely, but it was nowhere near the smiles she gave him when she was happy. “You’re cute, but right now is not the time. Later, okay?” she squeezed his hand firmly. “Go,” Y/N released his hand and nudged him towards his house.

He didn’t look back and sprinted towards his window. He never climbed so fast. Klaus helped him up, but instead of sarcastic and annoying remarks about Ben’s _‘friendship’_ , he was met with Klaus wearing his uniform for missions.

It took Ben a second to register that there was running in the hall and there was the dreadful alarm ringing through the walls. He put the book on his night stand, loosening the tie and heading for his drawer when Klaus sneakily left his room.

He threw his clothes on his bed, jumping to fit in the weird uniform his Father had made for the Academy. Ben closed the zipper and put his shoes, his mask in his hand. He sprinted down stairs, behind his siblings. He clumsily put his mask on, as he heard his Father howling about how the Umbrella Academy would be discredited if they were late for missions, etc. The same boring speech he had to listen every week or so. He had it memorized by now.

He entered the car, squeezed between Klaus and the door. His Father accelerated and took off, Vanya waving shyly at them. Ben waved back, a sad smile on his face. His eyes drifted away from his sister to the corner of the street and there she was. Y/N.

She looked sad, and Ben’s heart twinged painfully at the thought he had caused it. He couldn’t even wave or smile at her, his Father racing by their spot like they were losing a race. Ben trailed his eyes forward to the back of his Luther’s head. Klaus nudged him on the side and he heard a whispered ‘Are you alright?’, in moment of lapse, Ben was sure.

In response, Ben only nodded.

Diego wandered after they got home. His siblings all scattered after the mission.

Klaus was most definitely getting high, Diego thought. What a bastard. Luther was sucking it up to his Father or in his room doing whatever he did that Diego couldn’t be bothered to care. Allison was somewhere, he guessed. He could listen to Vanya playing violin in that shoebox of a room. It was nice to have a background noise in that ghostly house.

Diego lingered in front of Ben’s room, the door slightly opened. Out of all his brothers, Ben was the best. He was the kindest and smartest. He seemed so pure, and even though Diego had absolute certainty dad’s words and neglect had its effect on his brother, he was the most well balanced—or so it seemed—of the 7 of them. Ben was the one who would make it when this super hero play thing was over.

Snooping wouldn’t be so bad, right? It wouldn’t, for sure Ben had once snooped on his things.

Diego opened the door fully. He stepped in and left the door opened.

There wasn’t anything out of the ordinary at first sight. Ben had a couple of books on top of his tiny, tiny table. His notes neatly organized, beside it his stationary. Diego kept glancing over his things, eyes wandering to the bare walls, with the exception of a single bulletin point board with a couple of pictures of them—spontaneous ones he had taken with a camera he had found in the mansion and took possession of it. There was a list of books he wanted to read. Nothing too incriminating. Not that there was something to incriminate Ben, or that Diego wanted to.

Diego then turned to the window. He walked towards it, looking outside. Nothing out of the ordinary, practically the same view Klaus had from his room. His eyes darted to the bed beside him. Ben’s clothes were thrown on top of it. His tie and his shirt wrinkled. If he was seen wearing those, he would hear a handful. He must have been caught by surprise by the mission alarm. Diego moved his sight to the bedside table. Now, that was interesting.

A frame, a pretty one at that. Inside a picture of a girl Diego had never seen before in his life—not that he had met many people in his 16 years in this Earth. The girl was about their age, maybe a bit younger. Diego thought she was pretty, but that was a detail on his mind that moment. How did Ben get this picture?

It all seemed weird. The photo didn’t look like one of those that came with frames, and the fact that Diego could see a couple of creases on the picture’s paper proved that this was handled on multiple occasions. He could see marks of what he concluded it was handwriting on the back of the photo. It all seemed too confusing.

The book in front of the frame caught his attention. _My Sweet Orange Tree._ What the fuck was that title? Diego picked the book up and examined.

It was old, the edges soften by use. The pages were yellowed, proving the age of the item just as much as the smell of dust. It looked second hand and he knew for a fact that this book hadn’t come from the endless book collection their dad had. Reginald Hargreeves wouldn’t be caught dead with a book so simple and filthy in his hands much less in his house—his esteemed, expensive house.

Diego hummed and put the book down. Accidentally, he dropped an envelope that rested in front of the photo. As the book rested on the night stand, the envelope fell gracefully to the ground, falling just in front of Diego’s feet. He picked it up, a pretty cursive ‘ _Ben_ ’ staring back at him. He was about to open it when he heard someone behind him.

“What are you doing here?” Ben said, and if Diego was being honest, he heard some panic his brother’s voice.

Diego turned to his brother. Ben had just come out of the shower. He was, as always, drenched in blood when they got home and it was a silent agreement between all the siblings that Ben was always the first one to shower. He didn’t deserve to be further haunted just by staying more than necessary covered in blood.

Diego decided to play dumb, faced with Ben’s question. “I wanted to check on you.”

Ben’s eyes narrowed at him. Diego remained calm. Ben’s sight then shifted to his hands and his eyes flew open in shock and panic. Diego’s heart raced in his chest. It was one thing to mess with Luther or Klaus, it was another to mess with Ben. Ben never prompted pranks, even when he was the one pranking (even though he had been on the receiving end of it too). Ben was sweet and kind and incredibly quiet.

Ben raced forward and snatched the envelope from Diego’s hand. “That’s private, Diego,” he said, annoyed.

“I figured,” he responded, dryly. “Why do you have a picture of a girl in your night stand, Ben?”

Ben swallowed, nervously. He knocked the frame down, so Diego couldn’t see the girl anymore. “None of your business,” he answered, coolly.

“Are you stalking someone?” Diego guessed wildly. He knew it wasn’t the case, but if he wanted to squeeze information out of his brother, he’d have to annoy him.

“Of course not! I’m not a fucking creep,” Ben said, indignantly.

“But it sure looks like it, I mean,” Diego shrugged, “there’s this picture of a girl I’ve never seen in my life and last time I checked we knew the same people, Benny,” Diego put his hand in his brother’s shoulder and squeezed it. “It looks quite suspicious, if you ask me.”

“It’s nothing weird, Diego,” Ben wrangled out of his brother’s grip. He brushed passed him and rested the envelope in between the pages of the book. “It’s nothing weird,” he breathed out.

“It looks weird.”

“It is not! Piss off Diego.”

“I might as well call the police now and say there’s a stalker in the Umbrella Academy.”

“I’m not a stalker.”

“Imagine what Dad’ll say when he hears precious Number Six is creeping up on some pretty girl.”

Ben jumped on his brother both of them falling on the bed, Ben’s hands gripping Diego’s neck firmly, but not enough to choke him. Diego knew Ben wouldn’t do that. “Don’t tell Dad,” Ben gritted through his teeth, his eyes determined and angry.

Diego had never seen him like that. So angry and focused. Ben was sweet and calm, he didn’t think he had it in him to unleash anger to the world. Diego put his hands up in surrender, “I won’t. Stop choking me.”

Ben released his brother hastily, turning his back on him. He closed the door. Diego sat up and noticed the action, furrowing his eyebrows. “Who is she, Ben?”

Ben sighed heavily. “If I tell you, you have to promise not to tell anyone.”

“I won’t tell,” Diego said, bashfully.

“Promise me,” Ben demanded firmly.

“I promise,” Diego answered, hands in the air in surrender.

Ben sighed once again. He turned and sat beside his brother. “She’s a friend.”

Diego laughed. “Friend, yeah right.”

“She is!” Ben tried. Diego thought he was trying to convince himself rather than convince him.

“If she was really a friend you wouldn’t have a picture of her on your night stand,” Diego pointed out.

“How would you know?”

Diego was taken back by this because Ben had a point. How would he know? It’s not exactly like they had a lot of experience with normal relationships. “I just do,” he said, shrugging. “Who is she, Ben?” he asked softly.

“She is…” Ben trailed off, lost in his own world for a moment. “She’s—I,” he cleared his throat, “I saw her on the bus stop one day, and she seemed lonely. A couple of days later I sneaked out and I started doing it every morning.”

“How long?”

Ben smiled shyly. “For a little more than three months.”

“You’ve been sneaking out for 3 months and no one knows?” Diego said. “I don’t believe you.”

“Klaus caught me one day, he can vouch for me,” Ben said seriously. “I can’t believe I have to prove to you I’m sneaking out.”

“To see a girl no less,” Diego completed. “Out of all of us, you would be the last person I thought was sneaking out to flirt.”

“Should I be offended?” Ben asked.

“Don’t sweat about it. The point is my little brother is in love,” Diego swung his arm behind his sibling’s neck, putting him in a head lock. He then proceeded to mess with Ben’s head, as he wrangled out of Diego’s grip.

“I’m not your little brother,” Ben stated.

“So, you don’t deny you’re in love,” Diego said smirking.

Ben’s face remained impassive, but it told all to Diego. “You really are!” he said shocked. “That’s huge!”

“No, no, it’s not,” Ben shook his head. He put his head on his hands, exasperated. “I—I don’t know, Diego. It doesn’t feel great.”

“Why not? Isn’t it supposed to?”

“I guess so,” Ben shrugged. “And it does when I’m with her. But then I remember Dad and with the Academy and I—” he cleared his throat, “I get scared. Because I know Dad’ll react badly and I don’t wanna lose her.”

Diego smiled sadly at his brother and put his hand on his shoulder. “He won’t. Me and Klaus, we got your back, Benny.”

“Thanks, Diego.”

“You’re my brother, Ben. I’m here for you when you need me,” Diego said quietly and sincerely.

“Yeah,” Ben breathed out, smiling. “Thanks.”

“So, tell me everything about her.”

Ben laughed. “Yeah, yeah.”

Ben was the first one to get to their spot the next day. He leaned on the poll next to him, looking at his hands as if time would pass faster.

Ben barely slept that day. He rarely ever did after missions but that time it was different.

He was anxious. There was a lingering conversation on the horizon he wasn’t too thrilled about. He kept thinking and thinking about the possible outcomes and most weren’t great. It was either she would storm out on him screaming that he was liar and that he had conned her or Dad would discover he had been sneaking out and trap Ben inside the academy until his death.

He sighed pushing those thoughts aside. He held his blazer in his hand, that fucking umbrella tattoo staring at him as he did so. He looked down at it and he wished he could rip it off his arm. He wished for a second he hadn’t been bought and put in a weird boarding school. Ben sometimes felt like he was in a glass case, and everyone was there to see him, the entire world. He just wanted to be normal.

“Ben!” he heard. He looked up and saw Y/N running towards him, smile in her face. He sighed in relief when he saw her smiling like that.

She hugged him tightly and it took a second for Ben to process the amount of care and, dare he say it, love in it. As soon as he came to his senses, he melted in her embrace, his heart racing and his stomach filling with butterflies. “Hey,” he said softly.

“I’m so glad you’re alright,” Y/N breathed out, breaking the hug. Her hands found his cheeks, her thumb caressing it gently. Ben smiled at that.

“I’m alright,” His hands found her wrists, holding delicately as if she was made of china. “I thought you were going to be mad at me.”

She let out an airy chuckle. “To be honest with you, I was. I still am, a bit,” she shrugged and Ben’s heart clenched uncomfortably. “But I—” she shook her head as if she was dismissing something, “I talked to my psychologist and she calmed me down. She, um, she showed me some stuff about the Umbrella Academy and I understand why you hid it.”

“You do?” Ben said in disbelief.

“Yeah,” Y/N nodded. “I’m sorry you have to go through this, though.”

“But it led me to you,” Ben added quietly. He kissed her wrist gently, and he heard her breath hitch.

“You’re such a charmer,” she said incredulously.

He smiled at her. Their hands dropped, still linked, his thumbs grazing over her knuckles gently. “You have to tell me though,” she said looking in his eyes.

“What?” Ben looked at her confused.

“What is it like having brothers and sisters?” she smiled. “Is it as insufferable as I read it is?”

He laughed, throwing his head back. “Yes, absolutely.”

She laughed with him, her eyes crinkling and her smile bright. Ben’s heart almost gave out at the sight. 

“It has it’s perks,” Ben pondered. “They got my back when I need it, but sometimes it doesn’t outweigh the amount of shit I have to endure.”

“I mean, I guess that’s fair,” she shrugged, her eyes falling to his tattoo. She looked sadly at it, like he used to look at it when he was little. She didn’t linger long on that, thankfully. “Tell me about your brothers,” she smiled. “Are they as nice as you?”

He smiled sadly. “No, definitely not.”

“Well, I guess it was stupid question, there’s only one of you after all.”

He looked at her, and he almost cried. The three cursed words threatened to leave his lips but he managed to catch himself before that. “It wasn’t stupid, it’s okay,” he said quietly. “I mean if you really want to know, I guess I’ll tell you.”

And he started telling her about his siblings as he walked her to her school. It felt nice to finally talk about these things with her, it was like a gigantic weight was lifted off his shoulders. He had a spring to his walk he didn’t before. You know the best part?

She hadn’t let go of his hand.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it was the best of times and the worst of times

_Ben._

_Ben._

_Ben._

_Ben._

It was all that Y/N could think about. He consumed her thoughts. Every waking moment she spent, he was on her mind. If he wasn’t her main thought, Ben would most definitely be on the back of her mind. His smile intoxicated her, to the point the air would be knocked out of her. She would look at every corner for him, even though she knew he wouldn’t be there.

It wasn’t healthy to be obsessed with someone. And she would argue she wasn’t obsessed. More like addicted. Even if that didn’t better her case, it was the truth.

There she stood, in the alley next to Ben’s house, staring at his window for the sign that she could go up and see him. After her classes ended it seemed suspicious for them to keep meeting in the morning so they came with a more logical solution: afternoons.

Ben would say what his schedule for the next day would be. They would set up a time for Y/N to be at the alley. He would open his window for her and she would climb the fire escape up to his room.

It was nicer than the minute long dates they had in the morning. They would spend hours just talking in hushed tones, he would show her his studies and the photos he had taken of his siblings. They would talk about dreams, memories they had and about making new ones.

The window opened and Ben peaked through it. He look down at her and smiled brightly, nodding so she could go up. She smiled back and started to climb the fire escape quickly. Thank God she had chosen to wear shorts instead of the dress she had just bought. She had loved it and she was sure Ben would like it too. Not that she cared if he liked it or not. But she did.

She got in the room with his help, his hands calloused in comparison to hers. She flung herself on top of him, hugging him tightly. She heard him release a breathy chuckle then he nuzzled his head on the crook of her neck. He was still wearing that stiff uniform their Father made them wear. She could smell the scent of the soap.

“Hi, Ben,” she said airily, clutching his shoulders as if it was her lifeline.

“Hey,” he broke the hug and rested his hands on her cheeks. “How you’ve been?”

She smiled smally. “I’m good,” his thumbs rubbed her cheeks delicately and gently. “How are you?”

The smile he adorned faltered and his face became somber. His hands dropped from her face and he sat on his bed defeated. He rested his hands on his face, his hair falling delicately on his forehead. Y/N sat beside him and put a hand on his leg, just above his knee. ‘I’m here,’ the gesture whispered.

“Dad’s been especially cruel today in training,” he said, his voice quivering. “I’m so tired, Y/N, I don’t know how much longer I can take it,” his hands dropped from his face, revealing his deep eyes bathed in unshed tears.

“Oh, Ben,” she said sadly. “I’m so sorry, love.”

He shook his head. “It’s not your fault. There’s nothing you can do, he’s like this sometimes.”

She looked at him sadly and clasped his hands between her own. “I’m here for you, Ben. Whatever you need.”

He looked at her, his eyes twinkling in the warm afternoon light. “Please, stay,” he said quietly.

“Of course,” she said as if it was absurd to imply she wouldn’t. She cozied herself next to the bedrest, her back leaning on the wall behind her. Her hands still clutching his tightly, rubbing small circles in the back of it.

They stayed like that for a couple of hours. They talked a little but she could feel he didn’t want to, so the majority of the time they stayed quiet, just listening to the noises his siblings made in their rooms. It was pleasant, she could feel the life of the house, even if there was a tyrant trying to squash it out of them.

The sun was setting when she felt her phone vibrating on the back pocket of her shorts. “Shit!” she disentangled herself from Ben’s warm embrace. “Shit, shit, shit!”

“What is it? Is everything okay?” Ben asked worriedly, as she looked at the tiny screen of her phone exasperated.

“I have to head home. I’m late, I promised my mom I would help her with a new recipe,” Y/N said, putting her shoes on. She got up and looked at Ben, a sad expression replacing the peaceful one he had moments ago.

“Oh,” he muttered.

“Ben, it’s okay,” she sat back down on the edge of the bed. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, of course,” he said, rubbing his eyes.

Y/N smiled gently. “I’ll bring you a piece of the cake,” she said.

“Thanks,” he said avoiding her eye sight.

She got up and headed to the window. She opened it enough so she could pass it through. She looked back at Ben, his face sad and defeated as if she was taking all of his peace with her.

She didn’t know what possessed her, but suddenly she turned her back to the window and sat down next to Ben. He looked at her shocked as she leaned in towards him. Their lips brushed, for a mere second, before Y/N closed the gap and pressed a gentle, almost ghostly kiss on his pretty lips. He was taken by absolute surprise, and before he had time to react she broke the kiss, a smile on her face.

Ben was quicker than her, however. Before she could get up and leave, he put his hand on her cheek and brought her lips to his on more time. The kiss, albeit still gentle, was considerably more intense. Y/N thanked the stars she was sitting, because she was sure she couldn’t stand up straight as she melted into the kiss.

Ben broke the kiss a moment too soon, in Y/N’s opinion. His thumb caressed her cheek, his touch ghostly. “I have to go,” she said sadly.

“Yeah,” he breathed out. He smiled. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Of course,” she replied.

Against her heart and her brain, she got up and headed to the window. She put her leg out of it. She gave Ben one last look and one last smile before she bolted out of the room, running home. She had a lovesick smile on her face that she didn’t even realize until her mom gave her an odd look before scolding her for being late.

Ben was shocked. There was no other way to describe it.

His heart beating wildly in his chest, he got up from his bed. His hands hovering over the doorknob, he tried to wrap his head on what just had happened. He unlocked the door and got through it. Closing it behind him, he headed to Diego’s room.

The door was closed, and Ben didn’t bother knocking. He opened it and closed it behind him. He heard a whoosh sound next to him, a knife lodged on the wall next to him. He sighed, unfazed, as he saw Diego

“Get out,” Diego said grumpily. “Not in the mood, Ben.”

“I need to talk to you,” Ben replied.

Diego got up, another knife in his hand. He unlodged the knife from the wall, looking Ben dead in the eye. “I don’t care. Get out,” he muttered turning on his back. He laid on his bed, staring at the selling, play with his knives once again.

“I kissed her,” Ben blurted out.

Diego stopped fiddling and sat up right. “What?” he whispered, shocked.

“I kissed her,” Ben said calmly.

“Yeah, yeah, I got that, Ben,” Diego dismissed. “When?” he narrowed his eyes in confusion.

“Um,” Ben looked down at his feet, “just now.”

“You snuck out?” Diego asked.

“More like I snuck her in.”

Diego laughed at the situation. “This is hilarious. How long you’ve been sneaking her in?”

“A month,” he answered honestly. “I don’t see how that’s relevant to what I just told you,” Ben completed, indignantly.

“It’s so relevant, Ben. Out of all of us, you’re the one breaking the most sacred rule,” he shook his head, laughing.

“Diego!” Ben screamed, sobering his brother up. “I kissed Y/N,” Ben said somberly.

“Here,” Diego patted on the bed beside him, and Ben sat. Diego gave him a side hug. “It’s fine, Ben. Dad won’t find out, chill,” Diego calmed him. “No one knows you’ve been ruining your good boy reputation by sneaking people in. I won’t tell the old man. Klaus won’t tell him.”

“I know,” Ben muttered. “I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry for, Benny,” Diego said, messing with Ben’s hair. “So, how was it?”

Ben let out a chuckle. “It was…” how does he make it sound cool? How does he make seem like it was no big deal, when it was the biggest deal in the world? “It was nice.”

“Yeah, right,” Diego said, smirking. “Only nice?”

“Stop it,” Ben said.

“Hey,” Diego lifted his hands in surrender, “I’m just looking for the truth.”

“Ha-ha,” Ben fake laughed. “You’re really funny, you know that?”

“I pride myself in that, actually,” Diego replied smugly. “But, hey, seriously, I’m happy for you,”

“Thanks, Diego,” Ben shrugged.

“You’re taking your steps to get out of this godforsaken place,” Diego said bitterly.

“I can’t wait,” Ben shot back, just as bitterly. There was a moment of silence between them before Ben said something again. “Can I ask something of you?”

“It depends where’s the body,” Diego said kiddingly.

“If something happens to me,” Ben started quietly, “would you tell Y/N?”

“Why are you asking me this?” Diego was taken back by the bluntness of his question.

“Please, Diego,” Ben begged. “If something happens and no one tells her, she’ll find out by the papers and I can’t do that to her.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll tell her,” Diego reassured him, in a dismissive way that didn’t go unnoticed by Ben. Nevertheless, he held Diego to his word and if something were to happen, he knew Diego would do what he promised.

True to her word, Y/N did in fact bring him cake the next day. Chocolate cake.

Truly, Ben didn’t really care if she brought an entire bakery with her, as long as she was there with him. It was her that made it all worth it, the sneaking out—or sneaking in—the furtiveness, the secrets, the fear. She was worth all of it.

She got in his room, a blue Tupperware on her hand. “You know, my mom wants to meet you she’s been oof—”

Ben interrupted her once she was fully in his room. He grabbed her waist and brought her closer to him, clashing his lips to hers. She was shocked for a second, and his heart started to race uncomfortably as thoughts of ‘I fucked up’ passed through his mind. But soon enough, she dropped the Tupperware on his bed, her arms finding its way to his neck, pressing closer to him than Ben ever thought possible.

It was something entirely new for Ben. This fuzzy feeling embracing his entire being, making his cheeks heat up with something so unknown and yet so familiar. Her hands found his hair, her finger running through it. It was like he was on fire, his tummy coiling delightfully, unlike when the Horror got out.

He broke the kiss yet again, resting his forehead on hers. “I just had to test something,” he explained, a bit out of breath.

“It’s fine,” she smiled at him, her eyes gazing at him lovingly. “I brought you cake,” she mentioned coyly.

“I know,” he nodded, his hands on her cheeks. He smiled back at her.

“My mom insisted on this,” she explained. “She’s been hearing so much about you, she wants to meet you, you know?” she finished out breath. “I’m sorry if this—”

“Hey, hey,” he said gently. “I’d love to meet her.”

“Really?” she said happily. “Isn’t it too much? It’s just this is so new, literally a day old, I don’t want to scare you away, you—”

“It’s okay,” he reassured her. “I’ve been your friend for longer than this. I’ll be fine meeting your mom.”

She smiled brightly at him. “Okay,” she nodded shyly.

They eventually sat on Ben’s bed and ate the chocolate cake Y/N had brought—if Ben’s Dad saw him now, he would receive a scolding. They may or may not have made out too, and Ben may or may not have the taste of her lips lingering on his mouth for a while after she left.

They continued with that routine right up until the last day of her summer vacation.

The amount of time spent varied. Mostly because sometimes they would be interrupted by that dreaded alarm. Y/N would always jump at the sound, and Ben would find it cute if it wasn’t so goddamn terrible. It would always break his heart to leave her like that, in a rush and without a proper goodbye.

Ben remembered when he was younger: he wasn’t afraid of the thought of something happening on a mission. It just was a perk, something that could happen but it most likely wouldn’t. Now? It brought chills down his spine.

The mere thought of him dying, or worse dying without getting to say goodbye, made bile rise to his mouth and his head to feel light. The air would be stolen from his lungs and only Y/N could calm him.

He had written a series of letters to her in case something were to happen. He instructed Diego on where to find them, his brother finding it silly Ben was being so fatalistic. But he just couldn’t shake the feeling that something bad was going to happen. It probably wouldn’t. But just in case, he thought.

And there they were, last day of summer, her head resting on his shoulder, her eyes closed, as he recited some poems from his favorite book to her. He never really appreciated the love poems until he felt what was like to be in love. Now, they were his favorite, especially to recite, because he got to see Y/N’s reaction to it. Some she would tear up, others well… let’s just say some Ben didn’t even get to finish.

“They asked: ‘do you love her to death?’. I said: ‘Speak of her over my grave and watch how she brings me back to life’,” Ben recited.

He felt her head leave his shoulders. He looked at her, and in that split second, she closed the gap between them and kissed him tenderly. He hadn’t realized what he had just confessed to her, and she didn’t give him time to, because one moment they were tenderly kissing, the other she was completely entangled in his embrace, her hands running on his hair the way that made Ben crazy.

The book completely abandoned next to Ben, his hands on her cheeks the way he knew she liked it. Ben’s lips moved to her jaw, kissing his way down to her neck. She muttered a small Ben in his ears, and he sucked a spot on her neck a little bit too harshly in the heat of the moment. His lips magnetically went back to hers, and they stayed there, entwined for a while.

That is, until Klaus came barging in Ben’s room.

“Benny, I need your notes for—oh,” Klaus began. Ben could feel the smirk creeping on his brother’s face. “Ben, you dawg!”

It usually was Ben the one to break the kiss, but this time it was Y/N. She complete left his arms, a cold feeling settling in him, not only for the fact she wasn’t embracing him, but because he had realized he had forgotten to lock his bedroom’s door.

Ben took long enough to react because a second later, Diego appeared in the door frame too, the same smug face. Ben dragged them both inside his room, locking the door behind him. He could see Y/N averting her eyes to her feet, embarrassed at the situation.

“Goddammit, Klaus!” Ben gritted through his teeth. “Couldn’t you be quieter?”

“Hey, I only wanted your notes for today’s class, you were the one who was eating that poor girls face,” Klaus defended himself.

“Klaus,” Ben gritted and jumped on his brother, his hands balled in fists. Diego got in the middle of them both, separating them with his body, his hands on their chests.

“Stop it!” Diego said loudly. Ben calmed down, his eyes full of anger. Klaus still adorned a mischievous expression, completely amused by his brother’s embarrassment and anger.

The atmosphere tense, Y/N got up from the bed and walked next to Ben. She extended her hand to Klaus. “I’m Y/N,” she said quietly, with a smiled. Klaus eyes calmed and softened. He took her hand and shook it.

“Nice to meet you. You know, I’ve heard so much about you,” he said charmingly. Ben could see she hadn’t even flinched at that pathetic attempt.

“No, you haven’t,” Ben scoffed, and Klaus glared at him angrily.

“Shush, Ben,” Klaus said. Diego dropped his hands to his side.

Y/N turned to Diego then and extended her hand to him. “You must be Diego, right?”

He shook it. “Right,” he said dryly. “And you’re the Y/N.”

“The one and only,” she said quietly, as a joke. Ben cracked a smile at her charm, and it didn’t go unnoticed by his brothers. “Well, I think it’s time I leave, it’s getting late and I promised my parents I’d be home early.”

“Yeah, yeah of course,” Ben said, shaking his head. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning okay?”

“Okay,” she nodded as she left through his window. “Hey Ben!”

“Hum?” he hummed, looking at her, he got closer to her leaning down to see her properly.

She kissed him gently on his lips. “I love you too,” she whispered and left, climbing down the fire escape.

Ben turned to his brothers, after he closed the window, theirs faces so smug and insufferable. Ben sighed defeated, opening his drawer on his tiny table, for his notes. He shoved it to Klaus and said: “Here it is, the fucking notes. Now out.”

He unlocked the door and opened it for them to leave.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Klaus said, “you promised you would be careful with this endeavor.”

“I was careful, okay?” Ben defended himself. “You didn’t knock.”

“You don’t knock either,” Diego said, siding with Klaus.

“That was different,” Ben said. “It was urgent.”

“The notes are also urgent,” Klaus chimed in.

Ben groaned frustrated. “It could have waited!”

“No, it couldn’t. Do you want Dad to eat me alive, Benjamin?” Klaus said.

Ben froze. “Of course not,” he said.

“Well, then. Be more careful, Benny,” Diego put his hand on Ben’s shoulder.

“This is not fair, you know,” Ben stated. “You’re holding this information hostage and this is a completely dickish thing to do!” he shouted after them, both on their backs on their way down the hall.

He only received a middle finger in return.

Girlfriend. Such a peculiar word.

Y/N never thought she would call herself that. It never actually crossed her mind. But after Ben…It was hard to imagine how she had lived so much time without him. She couldn’t fathom a life without him. It was almost logical that there was no other word she could call herself after Ben. Maybe a few other words, but those were reserved for the future. And what a bright future that was.

It was his birthday today. It was a happy day, to Y/N at least. She had aced her math test—thank God—and most of all, she would spend the entire afternoon with Ben. That was special, extra special: it was getting harder and harder for them to meet. Ben’s dad was loading them with unhealthy hours of training. One day, Ben had come to her house late at night, on the verge of tears, unable to sleep because of the nightmares. Even though confused, she let him in. That night she slept on the couch—she didn’t have the heart to make him sleep uncomfortably.

On top of unfair parental expectations, Y/N had tons of homework to go through. She had to get into college and slacking wasn’t an option. Thankfully, sometimes, Ben could help her—and she was thankful (only for a moment, though) for their father for making them take so many advanced classes—but she couldn’t rely on his help all the time, otherwise she wouldn’t actually learn.

She raced from her school to his house. She had bought cupcakes for him, and his present was neatly wrapped inside her bag, secured between her pencil case and endless amounts of school work (no wonder her back was always hurting).

She turned a corner, entering the alley next to his house. A bit out of breath, she looked up to his window. It was already open. She smiled and started climbing the stairs.

He was taking a nap. Careful not to startle him, she got into the room quietly. She took of her sneakers and laid her backpack on the floor. She went to the door, checking to see if it was really locked. It was, she doubted he would really nap if it wasn’t. She rested the box of cupcakes on top of his desk and turned to look at him.

He looked so peaceful when he was sleeping. It warmed her heart to know that there was a moment in the day where he wasn’t tormented by anything. She sat down on the edge of the bed, the mattress dipping under her weight. Ben moaned in complaint, shifting slightly in his sleep. She brushed his hair out his forehead delicately, her tough ghosting over his skin.

“Ben,” she said calmly. “Darling, wake up.”

Ben shifted once again, his eyes fluttering open. He opened a smile when he saw her. He stretched his arms and yawned, his hands falling on top of hers once he did it. “Hey,” he said softly.

“I’m sorry I woke you,” she replied, adverting her eyes to the window.

“It’s okay,” he said. “I can sleep when it’s actually time to sleep.”

He squeezed her hands tightly. “Happy birthday, Ben,” she said lovingly.

“Thanks,” he answered, smiling. He sat up right, supporting his weight on one arm. He leaned over her, their lips meeting shortly.

“I brought you something,” she whispered, her forehead resting on his.

“You didn’t have to, you being here is enough,” he said.

She leaned back, looking at him with a funny look. “You’re too sweet sometimes,” Y/N said. She got up and knelt beside her backpack. “I hope you make good use of this, okay?” she told him, as she handed him a small box with a bow on top of it.

He took the package from her hands and opened it. Inside there was a small phone and a cable. He took the phone out and flipped it open, a picture of Y/N flashing on the back of the screen. “My dad upgraded his phone, so I thought I would give this one to you. You know so we can talk, even if we can’t see each other.”

Ben looked up at her, his eyes full of emotions she couldn’t quite place. “Thank you,” he said. “I don’t know what to say.”

She smiled at him. “How about we eat those cupcakes,” she pointed to the box on the table, “and read some poems?”

“That’d be perfect.”

Something was wrong. She could feel it in her bones.

Ben would never take this long to call her after a mission. Not after he got the cell phone. Something was incredibly wrong.

Y/N paced in her room, anxious at a phone call. Snow fell outside her window, white painting the landscape outside. She couldn’t see the Umbrella Academy from where she was, which didn’t ease her anxiety one bit. She could hear ambulances and police cars passing through the street: it must have been ugly if they needed that many cops and medics at the scene.

“Honey, there’s someone at the door for you!” she heard her mom scream downstairs. Y/N put her slippers and went downstairs. She quietly approached the door, trying to ease her beating heart, hoping it would be Ben waiting for her at the other side. It wasn’t.

Instead, there stood Diego, bloodied and beaten, a huge and deep scratch coming from his top right ear stopping just above his right cheek freshly sewn shut. He was wearing that stupid uniform, no coat, and she could see he was shaking from the cold. His eyes were hollow and watery, she could see dried trails of tears on his cheeks. She faltered at the sight, hand resting at the wall to prevent her from falling.

“No,” she whispered. “Diego, no,” she said louder. “Please tell me, he—” she couldn’t stop the tears from running down anymore.

He looked down at his hands, a bunch of letters on his hands. “I—I—I’m s—s—sorry,” he stuttered out. “H—h—he didn’t mmm—make it.”

“Oh my,” her mom said. She ushered the boy into the house, as her daughter fell to her knees in the main foyer letting out a painful scream, tears roaming free.

She felt Diego’s hands on her arms, calloused, getting her up. She clutched her t-shirt where her heart was supposed to be. She didn’t have one anymore. It died with Ben.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so here it is. the last part. I've been struggling with the idea of making a part 4, so if more than one person says they want it, i'll figure something out. i hope you guys liked it!


	4. Part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> years have passed. stuff has chnaged.

Y/N groaned in frustration as the light of the sole lamp illuminated the work she was weaving. It would be easy, they said. It’s a problem all of the senior researchers couldn’t solve, it’s half way done anyway, give it to the new researcher to solve. She rubbed her eyes, her glasses lifting slightly at the motion. It was well past midnight, and she was nowhere near the solution.

She heard tiny paws hurriedly come to her encounter. A tiny black dog came to view, yawning at her. She smiled softly. “Come here, Manny,” she said calmly. The tiny dog leaped to her lap, making himself comfortable to continue his slumber.

She adopted him after she moved out of her parents house. She hated being alone. It felt cold and empty, a feeling that had rested on her heart since that fateful day. She didn’t like to think about it, even if, most times, the memory of Ben was staring at her in pictures, books, pastries, everything. It was still too painful, even after all these years, even if she had moved on.

Enter Manny, the smallest dog she had ever seen. The shelter said most thought he was too shy and too tiny. Y/N saw no problem at all. He became her companion. When she was too stressed, he would come running to her, licking her hand, hugging her in his own way. She would hug back, of course. Sometimes, she felt as if Ben’s spirit was in this angel of a dog. But she knew it wasn’t the case. Ben was gone.

Manny’s ears perked up, his head leaving the little nest between his paws, looking at the window. He let out a bark, jumping out of her lap and prancing towards the opening window.

Diego climbed into her apartment. He let a small fuck, pained, as he saw the tiny dog looking at him. His eyes travelled to Y/N, a yellow smile on his face. “Hey,” he said, slightly embarrassed.

“Is it needle injury or ice pack injury?” she said tired, her tone flat. She was completely used to this situation.

“Maybe both,” he threw himself on the couch, Manny following him. He nuzzled himself next to Diego, once again resuming his sleep.

She looked at the scene. It would be extremely domestic if Diego wasn’t wearing all those harnesses and wasn’t actually hurt from some fight he had gotten himself into. She wished it didn’t send fuzzy feeling all over her. It wouldn’t bring any good to her, not at all. Not again.

“You’re lucky I have first-aid training,” she said, a half-smile on her face. She got up from her table, getting away from her work. She turned to her bookcase, a small cabinet in the bottom of it, opening it up and grabbing the first-aid kit.

“I thought you had taken that course because of me,” Diego noted.

“Yeah, yeah. I was tired of not knowing what to do when you were bleeding on my couch,” she said. She moved to grab alcohol from her kitchen, to sterilize, well just about everything. She opened the fridge and grabbed the already ready bag of ice.

“You always know what to do when it comes to me, Y/N, don’t sell yourself short,” Diego said. She handed him the bag, and he rested it on his eye. She ignored his comment.

She kneeled next to him. She grabbed calmly her dog, resting him next to her. He shifted cutely as he settled to his new position, completely unbothered at the situation. “Well, Diego, you know the drill,” she said, opening the kit on her coffee table.

She heard the rustling and clanking of his knifes and the loud thud it made when he dropped it behind the couch. When she turned back, he was already shitless, his head resting on her couch armrest. The light now on, she inspected the wound, where his hand was just resting. It wasn’t deep enough to prompt sewing, so just a curative was more than enough.

She poured a bit of alcohol on a piece of cotton and patted on the cut, a hissing sound escaping from his mouth. “Goddammit,” he swore. “A little warning next time.”

She smirked. “You know that’s not how it works.”

“I’ll still ask every time,” he said, wincing in pain at the last pat of alcohol on his wound.

She remembered when he came to her house—when she still lived with her parents—a bag in his hand a suitcase on the other. He said he had nowhere else to go, and that he needed somewhere to stay for a couple of weeks just so he could figure out his next steps. Y/N let him in, she instructed him to stay in the office, a tiny room next to hers that had a comfy enough couch to sleep for a few weeks. It had been 2 weeks since Ben died. She was still devastated.

Without intending to, Diego mended her pieces. The whole that she felt in her chest was filled again. She felt like she had a heart once more. He was her best friend. And Y/N had a terrible habit of falling for her best friends. The last time that happened it ended catastrophically.

She fought so hard not to feel this way, it felt wrong. He was Ben’s brother. It felt like she was betraying Ben by feeling the way she did. Most of all, he was not Ben.

“There,” she said, smiling sadly, “all fixed.”

She got up, the first aid kit in her hand. She walked to her bookcase, the photo of her and Ben staring at her, making her feel guilty for the way she was feeling. She shouldn’t feel this way, it has been 12 years. But she felt it.

“You shouldn’t have been awake,” Diego said. “Go to sleep, I can find my way out.”

“No, no, no,” she said turning to him. “You know I can’t let you do that.”

“Well, you have a real job, you need to sleep.”

“That’s bullshit, Diego and you know it,” she shot back. She walked to him and kneeled beside him. “The spare room is open for you, always. Always.”

“You’re too good for me,” Diego said, shaking his head in disbelief. “Too good.”

She didn’t know how to reply. “Stop it, that’s not true,” she murmured. She opened her fridge and pulled out the chocolate cake she had made earlier. She had needed a distraction and stress baking was a real thing. “Do you want a piece?” she asked.

He simply nodded, clumsily getting up to sit. She cut him a piece and rested it on a pretty plate. She picked a piece for her and gave him his. She sat on the ground, facing him, Manny sleeping soundly next to her. They sat there in silence.

Next morning, Diego woke up to the smell of coffee and pancakes. He couldn’t remember the last time—if it had been a time—he woke up to the smell. It felt really tender and domestic.

It was fitting to the person making the breakfast. Y/N was always tender and kind. Even when she was angry, she found a way to be kind to others. Diego had never seen it before. She would rarely lash out at a bystander. Diego could learn from her.

In hindsight, it almost felt inevitable that he’d fall for her. She was there for him, she showed him love and kindness, when she had every reason to be the opposite. She had lost her first love—at the time it felt like it was her only love, she had once confessed to him—she was supposed to be angry, she was supposed to be bitter. But she wasn’t.

She was quiet. He remembered the first week he stayed at her house, she had barely talked to him, or anyone for that matter. She was still processing the loss. Diego didn’t blame her. He was still processing too.

Slowly, she started showing up for him. She would hear the quiet cursing in his room, and she would knock on the door and ask if he was okay. He wasn’t but it wasn’t like Diego was going to open up to her. Even after he dismissed her concern, she stayed with him. He was unsure whether it was for him or for her, but she stayed. Not everyone did that.

She was there through a lot. Police academy, dropping out of the police academy, vigilantism, unemployment, several houses, and one time he had been homeless for a few days when she got him to finally stay in her spare room. Since then the spare room was his.

Diego couldn’t even put into words how grateful he was for her. It was bigger than him. He never had someone like that, and he sure as hell got the best one in his first time. Thanks to Ben.

Ben. He missed Ben. Sorely and deeply. But sometimes he caught himself thinking that if Ben hadn’t died, maybe Diego wouldn’t have this whatever with Y/N. She would have probably married Ben, lived a happy life, and seen Diego on rare occasions the Hargreeves reunited. Maybe not even then.

It wasn’t a feeling of gratitude, he wasn’t glad Ben died. It had broken him, it broke his family. Maybe he was glad he had the opportunity to try something with her. Maybe he was glad he got to act on the fuzzy feelings he felt near her. Maybe he wasn’t glad at all.

At first, he had written it off. Those fuzzy feelings were nothing. It was rare he felt it. But over the years he was forced to confront those. He couldn’t bury it anymore, pretend it wasn’t there—it was bringing more pain to him than acknowledging it. So, he did.

He said to her: “I like you more than just a friend.”

She replied: “I need some time to think on it.”

That had been a year ago. And he had been patient with her, which was unusual for him. He let out his frustrations on the boxing ring. But he wasn’t saint, and his patience was wearing thin.

He got up from his bed, careful enough to not hurt. His harness laying on the ground next to his shoes, he picked it up and puled it on, fully intending to leave after breakfast. He pulled his boots on and slightly limped to the kitchen.

The sight was enough set Diego’s heart on fire. It was Saturday. She wasn’t supposed to go to work. Yet there was she, dressed ready to bolt out the door to her lab to discover the next big thing in science. Manny barked loudly at him, circling around his legs happily. Sometimes he swore that dog liked him more than his own owner. Y/N said a quiet ‘Manny!’ and the dog promptly stopped running around Diego and went to her side, sitting next to her feet, wagging his tail.

“Good morning!” she said with a smile. “I thought you’d sleep in.”

“Nah,” Diego replied. “I got some stuff to sort out at the gym before Al kicks me out.”

“Okay,” she shrugged. “Well, I made some pancakes for us,” she slid him a plate, “just the way you liked it.”

“Yeah, thanks,” he said quietly. It was the one year anniversary of that one night. Diego remembered it well, it was a setup similar to the one in front of him. The question was itching to get out. “Have you thought about it?” he said lowly.

“About what?” Y/N questioned in return, confused.

“You know what, Y/N,” he said.

“Oh,” she murmured. Manny sensed tension and Diego heard the dog whimper next to her. “I—I—”

“I need an answer. I can’t be hanging anymore. I’m tired of it,” Diego justified.

“I know,” she whispered. “I’ve thought about it.”

“And?”

“I need a week,” she replied.

“Why?” Diego said, getting angry. “Why? Didn’t you have enough weeks already?”

“Diego, please,” she said, looking at his eyes, tears threatening to spill, “calm down.”

Diego wanted to fume even more. Who was she to tell him to calm down? She had strung him along for over a year, and he had patiently waited. He at that point loved her more than anything. But he was tired. “I don’t know. I want an answer.”

“I have the answer,” she said brashly. “But I need to speak to someone first,” she added. “Please.”

She gave him puppy eyes, and Diego couldn’t resist those eyes. “One week and that’s it.”

Being a ghost was weird. It was like Ben was himself—he felt like himself at least—but still not completely. There was something always missing.

But what was weirder was being attached to Klaus. The constant cycle of drugs, alcohol, sex, rehab was weird and tiring in itself but it wasn’t like that. Ben was there but most of the time he wasn’t. Klaus was rarely ever sober enough to hold Ben’s presence for longer than a couple of minutes.

It went on like this for about ten years. Klaus would get high and when he was just going down from it, Ben would appear and he would get high again to fend off the ghosts. Sometimes he would overdose, others he would toy with the line. Those times he’d find a place to sleep. Most times he would end up at Y/N’s couch.

She was always too kind for her own good. Even if it was practically morning, she would drag herself out of bed and let Klaus in. She would put a bucket next to him and cover him with blankets. She’d always prepare breakfast for him and leave it on the counter for when he woke up. If it wasn’t there, there was a note on top of it signaling to where it was.

It hurt to see her and not talk to her. Not hug her, kiss her, do everything Ben wanted to do with her. It hurt so badly. The first couple of years were too much for him. If Klaus was in her house, Ben wouldn’t appear. Maybe that’s why he was there so much. Over time, the wound healed. It hurt less and less, and Ben didn’t find too unbearable to be near her. It would sting, but it wouldn’t hurt. 

She had moved on, too. It was only natural for her to. And Ben didn’t want her to be chasing him for the rest of her life. It wouldn’t be fair. It wouldn’t be healthy. She would only hurt and Ben couldn’t see her do that. His heart couldn’t handle being the cause of her pain.

Klaus stumbled out of the ally, the transparent bag in his hand. Ben hated that he had just come out of rehab for what felt like the thousandth time and he was already drowning in drugs. Ben didn’t like to see when Klaus was consuming—for lack of a better word—drugs but being attached to him it was inevitable.

Klaus was on the verge of an overdose when he decided to head to Y/N’s apartment. He walked. It was fairly early in the night, for Klaus’ standards. Ben felt a twinge of hope inside of him, but he knew not to make much of it. It was probably more because he was tired and sleepy than self-preservation.

Ben doesn’t remember much after that. Maybe it was because Klaus had finally managed to keep him at bay. Maybe it was because Ben decided he didn’t want to see his brother in that way that day.

That morning, Klaus woke up earlier. No, Klaus was woken up earlier. Y/N gently woke him up, whispering for him to open his eyes and wake up so she could talk to him. He woke up and groaned in complaint.

“If you didn’t get so high, you wouldn’t have this problem,” Ben said.

“Shut up,” Klaus replied, waving his hands at him.

“Oh,” she said, her face crunched up in confusion.

“It wasn’t meant for you,” Klaus said, her face easing into a neutral expression while Klaus glared at Ben.

“O—okay,” she muttered. “Well, there’s breakfast on the kitchen island for you.”

“Fine, fine,” he rubbed his eyes. “Is everything okay? You usually don’t wake me up to say there’s breakfast,” he asked, seeing her face overcome with emotion.

“I—I—” she hesitated, “I know you don’t like to use your power, but I’ve been wondering for a while, I mean for about 10 years, if you’ve ever _seen_ Ben?”

Klaus was taken back by the question. Ben guessed he thought he was thinking he was too sober for this. “Sometimes, yeah.”

It wasn’t exactly a lie. But he did omit that he was almost always too high to see Ben. It kind of pissed Ben off.

“Well, when you see him can you tell him that I love him and that I miss him so so much,” she shook her head, tears welling up. “And that I’ve moved on, that he can rest.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Klaus grabbed her hands and squeezed it in reassurance. “I’ll tell him.”

She smiled. “Thanks,” she replied quietly. She sniffed, “Well, I gotta get to work.”

She got up and grabbed her bag, passing just beside Ben. It pained him that she couldn’t see him. Pained more than it should. “Well, Klaus, you know the drill right?”

“Yeah, yeah,” he breathed out. “Don’t worry.”

She smiled at him, her hand on the doorknob. “I don’t. You’re a good person Klaus.”

With that she left, leaving Klaus alone with Ben. “You heard it?” Klaus asked.

“Yeah,” Ben said, quietly.

Diego stumbled through her window again on a Friday. He had given her some space. She didn’t want that.

Manny was always excited to see him, the little rascal. She saw her dog jump out of her bed and run out of the bedroom. She laid the book on the nightstand and headed to the living room, barefoot.

Diego was kneeling down petting Manny, his tail wagging happily as Diego’s hands found their way to that nice spot behind the doggy’s ears. She smiled at the sight, no longer guilty about the butterflies roaming in her tummy. It was arduous and painful, tears had been spilled, but she finally came to terms with it.

“Do I need to take out the first aid kit?” she said, her arms crossed on her chest.

Diego got up and rubbed his hands on the side of his pants. “Nah, it was a calm night.”

“Oh,” she muttered in response.

The atmosphere was tense. And Y/N didn’t want to take the first step to lighten it. Even if she probably should, it was her fault it was like that after all.

“Have you spoken to that person? Can I have my answer?” Diego asked impatient.

“Okay, we’re ripping the band-aid off then,” she murmured. “Yes, I’ve spoken to him.”

“And?”

“I—I—” she suddenly was speechless. It felt surreal admitting this.

“You what?” Diego questioned. “You don’t like me?”

“No! No, Diego,” she sat on her couch and patted the sit next to her. Diego moved swiftly and sat next to her. She grabbed his hands and squeezed it. “It’s not like that.”

“I needed closure,” she started. “With Ben, everything was so quick and intense and I’ve felt for years that something was missing,” she explained. “It wasn’t him, not only him at least. I needed a goodbye,” she said. “I got that, even if indirectly.”

“That doesn’t answer my question,” he said, impatiently.

“It doesn’t but it explains why I took so long to answer you,” she replied. “I spent so long denying what I felt for you because I felt like I was betraying Ben,” she justified. “I love him, I _loved_ him so much—he was my first love, how could I not? And by loving you I felt like I was cheating on him somehow.

“I have loved you for far longer than a year, Diego,” she said. “The problem wasn’t loving you. The problem was coming to terms with the fact that I had to say goodbye to Ben. And that hurt too much, for far too long,” she finished, tears slowly spilling from her eyes. Diego’s hand found her face, and cleaned the tears falling on her cheeks. “But I finally let go, Diego. I did it. And now I can say and shout and yell that I love you.”

He smiled at her, his hands still caressing her face. His touch was firm, so different from Ben. With Ben, she felt like he thought he would break her if he wasn’t delicately with her. Diego needed grounding, he needed the firm touch and the firm reassurances. And she loved it. It was perfect in a whole different way. It was exciting.

His forehead rested on hers, his thumbs running small circles on her cheeks. “I love you,” he replied.

What happened after that was for special on so many levels for them both. It was a treasure Y/N rather keep it to herself. It was like if she told that soft story, the universe would find a way to rip this man—this godforsaken man—away from her. She had enough of that.

Little did she know that in fact he would be ripped away from her. She would perish in flames and ashes along with the rest of the world. And Diego would do anything to go back to her. He did everything to go back to her.

Ben never really quite grasped what that book Y/N had given him meant. He understood the story perfectly. He connected with the main character deeply, he was the main character on so many levels. But he couldn’t understand—at least not at the time—what it meant. He had re-read the book several times, each time he interpreted something different.

But, now, he finally understood. He finally understood how transformative the moral of that story was.

Being stranded in time was weird, if it wasn’t enough being permanently attached to Klaus and his weird ass cult. Ben had had enough of Klaus’s antics, and after 17 years of watching his brother self-destruct and the feeling of powerlessness it came with it, all he wanted was to explore life and experience all that he hadn’t.

But he was a ghost. And, boy, did that put a damper on his plans.

Jill was a sight to see. Ben could feel his heart stammer a stutter every time he got to see a glimpse of her. It was different from the love he felt for Y/N. That love was intense and short, even if it was sweet and gentle while it lasted. What he felt for Jill was something else entirely.

It wasn’t love, no. At least not yet. It was possibility. Hope. Something that could blossom into something beautiful and meaningful. If only he wasn’t a ghost. Well, if he wasn’t would he really be there in the first place? Would he have gotten attached to Klaus and met Jill? Would he be pinning for her like a teenager?

No, he wouldn’t. Most definitely. He would have married Y/N. He would have continued to love her. He would have become a photographer, maybe, or a writer. They would have had the most amazing children, or maybe not, maybe they wouldn’t have any at all. With Y/N, everything felt so vibrant and colorful, the world seemed endless with possibilities of what they might become.

But he had been stripped of that. Both of them. He died, and she had to live through her grief. He had to come to terms with the fact he would never be able to touch her, kiss her, hug her, marry her. The future that seemed so bright, the future that he wanted was stolen from him, from them. And for a long time, he felt terrible for it.

But she had moved on. She had found love again. He was happy for that, even if he wasn’t the person she loved anymore. He hoped that lucky person realized how lucky they got.

And so all there was left to do was move on. Enter Jill.

It was only when Ben met Jill that he fully understood what Y/N had insisted he read _My Sweet Orange Tree._ The story about a boy who hadn’t experienced love in any form and when he did he was so deeply transformed he couldn’t come to terms with how he was treated anymore. Ben felt that.

Y/N had transformed him deeply. It wasn’t because of her greatness, or kindness. It was simply because she loved him fully, without conditions. The first time he experienced unconditional love in his life, and he would go as far to say the first time he was loved. Ben didn’t think he’d be able to realize that without her. Even in his afterlife she continues to change him.

He can’t accept his conditions anymore. He loves Klaus, dearly, but Ben has had enough with him. Seventeen years of constant living with someone and finally their relationship is in ruins. He can’t take anymore. He wants his autonomy. He wants Jill. He wants love again.

It was a conjunction of lots of things. His stars aligning if you will. But he finally understands. He couldn’t be more grateful to her. His first love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well guys, this is it. it has been a journey. thank for everyone hwo has read it, kudo-ed it, commented on it, boomarked it. seriously, thank you, it means a lot. i hope you guys have enjoyed, if you have any questions or suggestions or anything really, feel free to comment it i always like to talk to you guys. anyways, see you next time ;)


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